As parents of neurodivergent kids, we know — when it RAINS, it pours. Times are tough, and this six-minute self-compassion practice might be exactly what you need.
How much time do you spend criticizing yourself?
Do you have six minutes for the antidote?
This simple process helps me heal underlying emotional wounds, which in turn helps me be a more present, grounded parent.
When Parenting Feels Vulnerable
In the process of living a meaningful life, we will be faced with our vulnerability.
Raising atypical kids can amplify that a thousand percent. When parenting mindfully, our emotionally raw places get exposed, and our precarious serenity is challenged.
Every age and phase of Ocean’s life has reawakened a buried feeling from my own childhood, usually from that same age. Because I suppressed my feelings and needs, and he doesn’t (and shouldn’t have to), I get triggered.
As a child, I honed my people-pleasing skills to survive an unstable environment.
Not only is Ocean’s brain wired differently from mine, but his upbringing is also more stable and harmonious. Not perfect… but more chill.
Of course, I’m not consciously envious of the life we’re privileged to create for him. But there’s that grizzled voice in the back of my mind that says:
“You don’t know how lucky you have it! How can you be so ungrateful? Back in my day…”
I call it my grumpy old man voice.
Is it just me? Do you have a resentful voice too? What do you call yours?
Whatever we call it, it’s unhealed trauma — and it’s demanding to be heard. It just gets louder the longer we ignore it… Cue mom rage.
So when I hear my “grumpy old man voice” (or another unheard voice), it’s self-compassion time. Pronto.
What Is RAIN?
The thing about RAINS (I add the “S” for “Saturate”) is that it’s a system. You can go deep with journaling and reflection — or you can half-ass it in six minutes and still feel a difference.
I first learned RAIN from the meditation teacher Tara Brach. Researcher Kristin Neff has brought self-compassion into Western psychology, showing through countless studies that it’s powerfully effective. It’s rooted in ancient Buddhist practices.
🎥 Watch: Dr. Kristin Neff — Overcoming Objections to Self-Compassion
Join Me in the 6-Minute Self-Compassion Process
Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture your uncomfortable feelings; then Saturate your nervous system with compassion. Trust that whatever comes up deserves your tenderness and presence.
Listen to the Podcast Episode
🎧 Listen now: Mindfully Parenting Atypical Kids Podcast:
6 Minutes to Self-Compassion for Parents
Prefer to watch?
R: Recognize
Start with one feeling you’d rather ignore.
Something you’re trying not to feel — but keep it within the range of what feels manageable today.
Get comfortable.
Sit tall.
Breathe consciously.
Name the feeling — even say it out loud.
As parents, we often judge ourselves for frustration or disappointment with our kids. What if we dropped the denial and trusted that whatever’s arising can serve our growth?
A: Allow
Let the feeling be there.
Hit pause on problem-solving.
As parents, we often rush to fix things to make our discomfort disappear.
Instead, take a breath and accept the truth of the moment without resistance.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
I: Investigate
Be curious.
Ask yourself:
Where do I feel this in my body?
How old is this emotion?
It’s okay if childhood memories surface — they often do for me.
Then gently ask the part of you that feels most vulnerable:
“What do you need to hear right now?”
N: Nurture
Offer kindness to the part of you that needs it most.
Imagine your child feeling this way — what comfort would you give them?
Say it to yourself:
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I hear you.”
Let your wounded self receive these words from your most loving self.
S — Saturate
Soak up the feeling of being accepted and cared for. What would your life feel like if you truly believed in your intrinsic worth?
Let love move through you — giving and receiving.
What would it feel like to take some time for your own care — without guilt?
What if you didn’t have to earn your own approval?
You have so much to give to your relationships and to the world. Just remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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Thanks for addressing the need for parents to practice the behaviors they'd like to see in their kids!