I really love this mindful and refreshing post! As someone who’s worked with children diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and mood dysregulation disorder for about a decade I wish I could share this wisdom with all of the families I’ve worked with! I’ve seen firsthand the overwhelming experience of setting goals for neurodivergent kids—the anxiety pressuring parents to push their kids to “succeed” as well as the guilt in presenting challenging and difficult tasks to children who may lack the ability to express their frustration in a clear and productive way. It can be a stressful experience for many parents with neurodivergent children that leaves them frustrated and feeling alone. This post is so informative and welcoming for struggling parents but is also an eye-opener for those of us who work within “the system” in whatever regard on how we can truly support our kids and families in meaningful ways 🧡
Thank you for this! I'm really glad you see value in it and hope that you will share it with other families as you see fit.
And I agree about the pressure. It still creeps in sometimes, though I've had over a decade to shift my mindset around development and comparison. The hamster wheel was such a habit that I sometimes forget we're no longer running on it. But there are some things that can't be rushed.
No matter how good the plan, how many hours of therapy, how experienced the therapists, or how hard the kid works. I used to tell Ocean, "patience pays," and sometimes it was as much a reminder for myself as for him.
I really appreciated this, Kate. That moment about “permanent records” resonated so much. I remember when our special education director asked if I really wanted my son, who has a unilateral hearing impairment, to attend a deaf and hard of hearing program that used sign language as part of total communication. For us it was a no brainer. He couldn’t reliably hear or make sense of spoken language yet, and total communication offered a powerful, multisensory way to build understanding. Your story captures something I see so often across diagnoses and ages: support is too easily framed as something to avoid or be embarrassed by, when in reality it is access, instruction, and opportunity. Thank you for putting words to this!
Thank you for writing this Kelley, and for sharing the post so other parents can find it.
It's kind of shocking that professionals think such ableist thoughts, but it's terrible that they let those thoughts come out of their mouths when speaking with parents. Implicit bias runs deep. I wonder if gatekeepers were trained to weaponize ableist language to deter parents from access to their child's lawful rights? Or if it's just sloppy and unprofessional?
I think it can be a bit of both. I do think shame and stigma can become sadly effective tools in systems that are under-resourced and trying to manage demand. And I also think many educators and service providers are working inside structures that don’t give them enough time, training, or support to slow down and reflect on how their words land. Implicit bias is real, and those biases can surface in ways that cause real harm. Thank you again for your work and this piece!
I really love this mindful and refreshing post! As someone who’s worked with children diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and mood dysregulation disorder for about a decade I wish I could share this wisdom with all of the families I’ve worked with! I’ve seen firsthand the overwhelming experience of setting goals for neurodivergent kids—the anxiety pressuring parents to push their kids to “succeed” as well as the guilt in presenting challenging and difficult tasks to children who may lack the ability to express their frustration in a clear and productive way. It can be a stressful experience for many parents with neurodivergent children that leaves them frustrated and feeling alone. This post is so informative and welcoming for struggling parents but is also an eye-opener for those of us who work within “the system” in whatever regard on how we can truly support our kids and families in meaningful ways 🧡
Thank you for this! I'm really glad you see value in it and hope that you will share it with other families as you see fit.
And I agree about the pressure. It still creeps in sometimes, though I've had over a decade to shift my mindset around development and comparison. The hamster wheel was such a habit that I sometimes forget we're no longer running on it. But there are some things that can't be rushed.
No matter how good the plan, how many hours of therapy, how experienced the therapists, or how hard the kid works. I used to tell Ocean, "patience pays," and sometimes it was as much a reminder for myself as for him.
For the corrupt systems, I have no patience.
I really appreciated this, Kate. That moment about “permanent records” resonated so much. I remember when our special education director asked if I really wanted my son, who has a unilateral hearing impairment, to attend a deaf and hard of hearing program that used sign language as part of total communication. For us it was a no brainer. He couldn’t reliably hear or make sense of spoken language yet, and total communication offered a powerful, multisensory way to build understanding. Your story captures something I see so often across diagnoses and ages: support is too easily framed as something to avoid or be embarrassed by, when in reality it is access, instruction, and opportunity. Thank you for putting words to this!
Thank you for writing this Kelley, and for sharing the post so other parents can find it.
It's kind of shocking that professionals think such ableist thoughts, but it's terrible that they let those thoughts come out of their mouths when speaking with parents. Implicit bias runs deep. I wonder if gatekeepers were trained to weaponize ableist language to deter parents from access to their child's lawful rights? Or if it's just sloppy and unprofessional?
Thank you for doing the work that you do.
I think it can be a bit of both. I do think shame and stigma can become sadly effective tools in systems that are under-resourced and trying to manage demand. And I also think many educators and service providers are working inside structures that don’t give them enough time, training, or support to slow down and reflect on how their words land. Implicit bias is real, and those biases can surface in ways that cause real harm. Thank you again for your work and this piece!
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