Your description of “empathy” is eerily similar to how male doctors used to define “codependency”. I find the latter term increasingly just sexism under the guise of a medical term. Community needs empaths. Community is all about co-dependency?
Do you identify as an empath? How would you define that? And how do you define community?
"EERILY?" Is that really the word you're looking for? In a strange and frightening manner?
I didn't actually describe or define "empathy" in this post, but the definition is "the ability to feel what others are feeling as if you are feeling it yourself."
Bo Forbes has a definition I like:
"Derived from the Greek “em” (in) and “pathos” (feeling), the term empathic means you’re able to “feel into” others’ feelings. But for empaths, this sensitivity is magnified to the nth degree. An empath is more tuned in, more empathic, and more sensitive to others than the average empathic person."
An empath isn't just a nice person. We definitely need more people to be kind, generous, and thoughtful or the world won't survive. We need the rest of the population to start being more empathetic, for sure.
Empaths are very different from people consciously acting from values of kindness, community, and generosity.
Hyper-empathy is visceral and vicarious. It is a sensory rollercoaster. Being an empath doesn't automatically mean I'm a kind person, in fact sometimes I have to push people away as a protective measure. There is a difficulty discerning where we end and others begin. There is suffering whenever we perceive suffering in others, and we often cling to it far longer than the originator of the feeling. We tend to become people-pleasers and/or introverts, which are ways we try to manage the overwhelm of our porosity.
I can't stop being an empath, and I wouldn't want to. But I CAN bring discernment, neuroception, self-regulation, self-worth, boundaries, and clarity of my core values into the equation. All of those things can only serve the communities we are part of.
I promise you don't want codependency in your community. Having grown up in a codependent environment, I'm confused by your characterization of codependency as something defined by "male doctors." The classic text, 'Codependent No More', was written by Melody Beattie back in 1986. I'm not saying it is perfect, and of course we're all tainted by patriarchy, but codependency isn't a construct of male doctors, it is real and, I believe, a product of patriarchy and trauma bonding. It leads to all kinds of confusion and resentment in relationships. Having clear community agreements, processes for conflict resolution, mutual respect and shared values would be a great foundation for community. Not codependency, and not relying on the hyper-empathy of a few to intuit what others need. If we can all identify and communicate our own feelings and needs clearly, we won't need an empath to feel them for us or take them on. We can choose INTERDEPENDENCE.
So yeah, I want to untangle that enmeshment enough to be able to identify my own needs and allow them. Boundaries have strengthened my relationships. As I wrote above, our loved ones are entitled to their feelings. We don't have to take them on.
Your description of “empathy” is eerily similar to how male doctors used to define “codependency”. I find the latter term increasingly just sexism under the guise of a medical term. Community needs empaths. Community is all about co-dependency?
James, thanks for opening this discussion.
Do you identify as an empath? How would you define that? And how do you define community?
"EERILY?" Is that really the word you're looking for? In a strange and frightening manner?
I didn't actually describe or define "empathy" in this post, but the definition is "the ability to feel what others are feeling as if you are feeling it yourself."
Bo Forbes has a definition I like:
"Derived from the Greek “em” (in) and “pathos” (feeling), the term empathic means you’re able to “feel into” others’ feelings. But for empaths, this sensitivity is magnified to the nth degree. An empath is more tuned in, more empathic, and more sensitive to others than the average empathic person."
An empath isn't just a nice person. We definitely need more people to be kind, generous, and thoughtful or the world won't survive. We need the rest of the population to start being more empathetic, for sure.
Empaths are very different from people consciously acting from values of kindness, community, and generosity.
Hyper-empathy is visceral and vicarious. It is a sensory rollercoaster. Being an empath doesn't automatically mean I'm a kind person, in fact sometimes I have to push people away as a protective measure. There is a difficulty discerning where we end and others begin. There is suffering whenever we perceive suffering in others, and we often cling to it far longer than the originator of the feeling. We tend to become people-pleasers and/or introverts, which are ways we try to manage the overwhelm of our porosity.
I can't stop being an empath, and I wouldn't want to. But I CAN bring discernment, neuroception, self-regulation, self-worth, boundaries, and clarity of my core values into the equation. All of those things can only serve the communities we are part of.
I promise you don't want codependency in your community. Having grown up in a codependent environment, I'm confused by your characterization of codependency as something defined by "male doctors." The classic text, 'Codependent No More', was written by Melody Beattie back in 1986. I'm not saying it is perfect, and of course we're all tainted by patriarchy, but codependency isn't a construct of male doctors, it is real and, I believe, a product of patriarchy and trauma bonding. It leads to all kinds of confusion and resentment in relationships. Having clear community agreements, processes for conflict resolution, mutual respect and shared values would be a great foundation for community. Not codependency, and not relying on the hyper-empathy of a few to intuit what others need. If we can all identify and communicate our own feelings and needs clearly, we won't need an empath to feel them for us or take them on. We can choose INTERDEPENDENCE.
So yeah, I want to untangle that enmeshment enough to be able to identify my own needs and allow them. Boundaries have strengthened my relationships. As I wrote above, our loved ones are entitled to their feelings. We don't have to take them on.