Hi! How has your week been?
Today we have a guest post from Special Educator katie bertie, which will speak more directly to parents of teens. But honestly? The sooner you can start doing this, the more practice you’ll have. Every parent can benefit from this simple (but not easy) tip.
But first…
Upcoming Events:
I’m going LIVE with my highly sensitive friend Ryan Rose Weaver (she/hers) here on Substack to talk about the experience of being an HSP with a history of self-abandonment and people-pleasing.
I’ll share the ways that mindfulness has helped me rediscover my self-compassion and self-worth, Ryan will share her journey, and we’ll all learn from each other!
This LIVE is leading up to the Selfworthy HSP Summit, which has been keeping me busy and full of rich, deep dive conversations with experts like Lori and Ryan, and others I can’t wait to introduce you to!
Mark your calendar, and meet us here LIVE on Substack.
Does a Failing Grade Feel Like a Tragedy to Your Neurodivergent Teen?
Frankie (not his real name) was one of my most brilliant students.
He was also at serious risk of failing his English GCSE exams. These public exams are obligatory for all 16 year olds in the UK. Failing English has a big impact on a teen’s future choices: post 16 education is predicated on getting a set pass grade for these exams, of which English and Maths are the most vital.
So failing at these exams feels like the end of the world.
Frankie was at risk of failing because the prospect was so terrifying to him.
He froze in exams and was unable to write anything.
The system itself caused the problem that prevented him from benefiting from the system supposedly created for him:
School gave him extra revision classes, resources and homework.
Teachers encouraged him to ‘keep trying’.
Meetings with parents were held.
None of it really moved the needle.
When I started working with him, I did the thing I always do and the number one thing I encourage parents to do:
I listened to him.
It wasn’t easy at first.
He ‘didn’t know’ what was wrong. He was uncomfortable expressing any opinion to do with school, and the most common reply to any question was an anxious smile.
I kept listening without judgment or the urge to offer solutions.
Eventually Frankie started to open up.
He told me what was happening in his inner world - a fear of ‘appearing stupid’ or ‘getting it wrong’. As he opened up, that fear began to lift.
The dread of ‘making a mistake’ became less painful to him.
Gradually, things shifted. Instead of freezing, sometimes his words flowed. Each time that happened, it got a little easier - because now he had proof that he ‘could do it’.
His parents started to listen to him too.
That’s when his confidence really started to grow!
It’s difficult to hold back from ‘giving advice’, but taking a deep breath and simply hearing what he had to say was transformative for their whole family.
When they understood what was happening internally for him, they stopped thinking of him as lazy, difficult, or unreasonable.
When he was able to feel heard, the fear of getting it wrong lost power over him. That meant he was able to take the hard steps of learning: try, fail, get up and try again.
When it came to the exam?
He didn’t freeze up, and he got the grade he needed.
That’s why the first thing I ever do with a student who is struggling in school is to listen to them. It’s also the first thing I encourage parents to do when their teen is stuck and languishing. I know it’s easy for me to say, because they’re not my child (and because I’ve been doing this for years).
Yes, it’s harder, much harder, for parents to do.
But it can be taught.
When you’re able to listen to your child, you can give them what they truly need.
And it’s often not what you were expecting.
When we can listen to what they fear, and what they hope for, without offering advice and without jumping in to ‘fix it’...
…they begin to lead us.
Finally, we have a map we can follow.
I’ve worked with so many teens with ADHD and/or dyslexia facing the same difficulties that Frankie was facing. That’s why I created a quick guide for parents with 3 easy steps you can take to support your neurodivergent teen.
Get Katie’s 3 Step Parent Guide To Rebuilding Your Neurodivergent Teen’s Confidence at School
Quickly kill the fear that your neurodivergent teen is destined to struggle. Get the simple steps I used to go from overwhelmed and terrified for my teen, to knowing how to support them so they could tackle school with confidence.
This short guide walks you through three simple weekly steps to help your neurodivergent teen move from struggling to flourishing.
Each step comes with a quick practical tip you can try straight away.
katie bertie is an Oxford-educated, Orton-Gillingham trained specialist educator who works with parents of teenagers with ADHD and dyslexia who are trying to hold everything together. What shapes her work most is her own experience as a neurodivergent parent of neurodivergent kids. She understands how lost parents can feel, and she helps parents find their footing again.
A kinder future for our kids begins with kindness toward ourselves.