Thank you for this. Very important things to know in the beginning. When my daughter was diagnosed at 3.5 years old, I went through the same doubts and fear for future as any other autism mom. But raising her taught me to gain her trust in order to help her navigate the world. Also always embrace her strengths and special interests.
Thanks for this. My 13 year old daughter was just diagnosed in February. I have to be careful to not fall down the rabbit hole of "you should have had her evaluated years ago, you're behind in helping her." I can't change the past, only what we do now to help her future -- but the reminder to slow down is helpful.
When Ocean was diagnosed, he was 3. I had the same feeling of regret that I hadn’t done it sooner and I was behind.
So it doesn’t matter what age your kid is. We can believe that thought or we can move forward with loving kindness. For ourselves, our kids, and even those who stood between them and the support. We’re all just doing our best.
13! What a great and challenging age. Be patient with the process and don’t be surprised if she pushes back on the diagnosis. Integrating a new part of her identity can take time. 🤗🤗
Thank you! She was actually very grateful to finally have an explanation of why she always seemed different from her peers. And she started doing research about it on her own. ❤️
Oh, well isn’t that refreshing! I’m so glad she feels validated and is already owning her identity. Yay to finding community and exploring this together.
Such great advice! I'm so glad these families have the benefit of your experience to help them through difficult beginnings in raising their atypical child. And I'm so glad I have the benefit of your experience and gentle teaching approach, in understanding my atypical grandson.
From a mom of two severely autistic adults, 22 and 19, I second all this advice. Especially the suggestion to give yourself time. Yes, get on the waiting lists quickly. But don’t give in to the pressure to do everything immediately.
Oh, that’s a tough one! I love my son’s curiosity and empathy. I love my daughter’s determination, even when it makes my life impossible, and I love her creativity. I am surprised by their new developments, even years after they hit plateaus.
That’s such a valuable point for those of us with younger kids: years after hitting plateaus, people grow. Development isn’t linear, especially for our kids.
What would I say to parents of newly diagnosed? Echoing some of what this excellent piece highlighted:
It’s going to be OK. There are many of us, and there is lots of help out there. There are challenges, but there are also particular joys that parenting a neurotypical child may not show you. Your child will surprise and delight you in ways you cannot imagine now.
Please allow yourself to feel your feelings, but know there is no need to panic. It will be OK. You will be OK.
Rest as you are able and enjoy your child for who s/he is.
Hey — I came across your writing and really liked how you think.
I’m exploring something similar from a different angle — writing about human behavior through a system design lens (like debugging internal patterns).
Just started publishing on Substack. If you ever get a moment to read, I’d genuinely value your perspective.
Also happy to support your work — feels like there’s an interesting overlap here.
Thank you for this. Very important things to know in the beginning. When my daughter was diagnosed at 3.5 years old, I went through the same doubts and fear for future as any other autism mom. But raising her taught me to gain her trust in order to help her navigate the world. Also always embrace her strengths and special interests.
These are such important points Aysu. Trust, listen, admire.
Thanks for this. My 13 year old daughter was just diagnosed in February. I have to be careful to not fall down the rabbit hole of "you should have had her evaluated years ago, you're behind in helping her." I can't change the past, only what we do now to help her future -- but the reminder to slow down is helpful.
When Ocean was diagnosed, he was 3. I had the same feeling of regret that I hadn’t done it sooner and I was behind.
So it doesn’t matter what age your kid is. We can believe that thought or we can move forward with loving kindness. For ourselves, our kids, and even those who stood between them and the support. We’re all just doing our best.
13! What a great and challenging age. Be patient with the process and don’t be surprised if she pushes back on the diagnosis. Integrating a new part of her identity can take time. 🤗🤗
Thank you! She was actually very grateful to finally have an explanation of why she always seemed different from her peers. And she started doing research about it on her own. ❤️
Oh, well isn’t that refreshing! I’m so glad she feels validated and is already owning her identity. Yay to finding community and exploring this together.
Such great advice! I'm so glad these families have the benefit of your experience to help them through difficult beginnings in raising their atypical child. And I'm so glad I have the benefit of your experience and gentle teaching approach, in understanding my atypical grandson.
Love,
Mom
Thanks mom!
From a mom of two severely autistic adults, 22 and 19, I second all this advice. Especially the suggestion to give yourself time. Yes, get on the waiting lists quickly. But don’t give in to the pressure to do everything immediately.
Oh, that’s a tough one! I love my son’s curiosity and empathy. I love my daughter’s determination, even when it makes my life impossible, and I love her creativity. I am surprised by their new developments, even years after they hit plateaus.
That’s such a valuable point for those of us with younger kids: years after hitting plateaus, people grow. Development isn’t linear, especially for our kids.
Sending strength and patience! 🤗😘
Thank you Deborah, what do you love most about your adult children? What surprises you?
Mom of a 33 year old daughter here.
What would I say to parents of newly diagnosed? Echoing some of what this excellent piece highlighted:
It’s going to be OK. There are many of us, and there is lots of help out there. There are challenges, but there are also particular joys that parenting a neurotypical child may not show you. Your child will surprise and delight you in ways you cannot imagine now.
Please allow yourself to feel your feelings, but know there is no need to panic. It will be OK. You will be OK.
Rest as you are able and enjoy your child for who s/he is.
Couldn’t have said it better!