Parenting today is hard, and raising neurodivergent kids can feel especially intense. Parents are realizing how essential nervous system regulation is to helping our kids feel safe and supported.
As a trauma-informed mindful parenting coach and yoga teacher who’s been supporting families for over 20 years (and raising my own neurodivergent child for 14) I’m right here beside you. My mission is to help create a more inclusive world by partnering with parents who are regulated and ready for change.
Acknowledge How Much You’re Carrying
Please receive this acknowledgment: parenting right now is hard. Parenting neurodivergent kids adds an extra layer of emotional labor and uncertainty. It’s okay to say that out loud. It’s not a betrayal of your child or the neurodivergent community to admit that this is a lot.
I want to help you tune your brain toward contentment, confidence, and connection, so you can share that regulated state with your family.
Why Your Body Comes First
We evolved as mammals with adaptive nervous systems so that we can survive. The part of our brains that keeps us safe is wired to react instantly to stress, and 80% of its signals travel from the body to the brain, not the other way around.
That’s why body-based tools are so powerful for regulating your nervous system. Thinking alone often won’t calm us down, and overthinking can create stress.
When you move, breathe, and release tension, you’re teaching your nervous system that not everything is an emergency.
Why Stress Isn’t the Enemy
If you care about anything, you’re going to have stress. Stress means you’re invested. It’s part of a meaningful life. We don’t want zero stress, we do want the ability to recover after stress. Without recovery, tension and inflammation build up, leaving us exhausted and reactive.
If you feel anxious or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. You’re carrying a lot.
Try This Simple Practice:
Put one hand on each shoulder.
Now think of one burden you’re willing to set down, just for now.
Lift it off your shoulders, physically, and put it down.
I know, it’s corny! Try it anyway. Actually move your arms, lift that burden off your shoulders, and put it down. You can pick it back up later if you want to. ;)
Positive Outcomes of Practicing Self-Regulation
When you practice self-regulation, your whole family benefits.
Resilience grows when you move through challenges.
Confidence builds as you realize, “I’ve handled this before.”
Empathy deepens, helping you support your kids with calm and clarity.
The “Second Chicken” Concept
I love this image from The Opposite of Worry by Lawrence J. Cohen. (As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.)
Imagine two chickens pecking in a yard. One hears a noise and looks up. If the second chicken keeps pecking calmly, the first chicken relaxes. But if the second chicken panics, both start flapping and running in circles.
You are your child’s second chicken. Their nervous system takes cues from yours.
That can feel like a lot of responsibility, but it’s also good news: when you regulate, you give your child access to your calm. Even if your kids don’t try the tools you use, your regulated nervous system still supports them.
Attune to Your Sensory System
Pause and notice your body:
How are your eyes, your breath, your posture?
What are you feeling right now?
All feelings are valid. None are “bad.”
Not all nervous systems are the same. Mine, for example, is hypersensitive. I recharge in quiet, alone. You and your family might recharge differently. This simple awareness is the foundation of mindful parenting.
How This Helps Your Neurodivergent Kids
Because you are your child’s second chicken, your nervous system regulation becomes theirs. You don’t have to teach it. Just live it. These polyvagal-informed strategies will help you cultivate contentment, confidence, and connection, so you can share that steady presence with your family.
More strategies in Part 2 next week!
Ready for Support?
I won’t give you one-size-fits-all scripts or promise to eliminate meltdowns. But I will help you understand the “WHY” behind your child’s behavior and create a plan that feels compassionate and doable.
“You helped me find ways to deal with my own anxiety and big feelings so that I can stay grounded for my kids.”
-Meghan W.
Private Parent Coaching Package: 6 Sessions for $549
Get personalized support for your family. Learn to self-regulate and enjoy parenting your neurodivergent child again. You don’t have to figure it all out on our own.
A kinder future for our kids begins with kindness toward ourselves.
I love the "second chicken" analogy, Kate! Having spent time on farms, I know how true it is that one panicky animal (including the human kind) can upset the rest, and how one calm, steady presence can start to reset the balance. Thanks for this lovely reminder of why self-regulation matters as much for those around us as for ourselves.