What Happens When Our Child Is The One Dysregulating Us?
That was one of the questions I asked Dr. Shefali when she joined me for a conversation about conscious parenting.
She didn’t give me a simple answer.
Oprah’s favorite parenting expert, Dr. Shefali is a psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and founder of the Conscious Parenting movement. She’s just released two new books, Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters.
“Our children have the capacity to unravel us like nobody else, because they are ours.”
I asked about her views on neurodivergence. If we'd had more time, I would have loved to dive deeper into this.
We talked about anger and aggression. This one was particularly personal for me. My son had periods of aggression when he was younger, and one of the scariest things for me was imagining where it might lead in the future.
What would happen when that 4 year old was bigger than me?
We talked about screens, too. I asked her what to do when a teenager is spending more time isolated in his room than you’d like, and her answer may surprise you:
“Don’t take screens away first.”
We talked about what to do instead. Catch the moment she made a joke that literally dropped my jaw.
I just didn’t expect it from her! 😂
Again and again, I heard her say something I think so many of us need to hear:
“Don’t blame yourself.”
You don’t have to be perfectly regulated. Sometimes the most conscious thing we can do is notice that we’re scared. Then use our tools to find our way back from there.
Dr. Shefali’s new books are full of tools you can apply right now, even and especially if your kid towers over you and spends hours in their room on a screen despite your best efforts.
I loved this conversation, and I’m excited to share it with you.
Dr. Shefali’s Website
Get the books:
I kept coming back to something that feels central to conscious parenting:
How do we stay present with our children when we’re overwhelmed?
Not perfect, just present enough to keep listening, keep learning, and keep seeing the child in front of us rather than the future we’re afraid of. It’s a work in progress.
I hope you’ll listen to the conversation and tell me what you think.
A kinder future for our kids begins with kindness toward ourselves.
