We are a social species, and we lean into our community to feel safe.
Be the lion lounging with her pride. When we belong to each other, that belonging insulates us from stress and trauma. We can widen our base of support until we all feel held, supported, and comfy inside it.
Below are some places to find your pride. Hopefully, these will help you widen your base of support:
My lovely friend Sonali Vongchusiri (from last month’s podcast) is offering a FREE 4-Day Parenting Reset next week that I’m so excited about! It’s based on the song "Shut Up And Dance!" (I have a story about this song. I’ll share it soon.) Each step takes seconds to read AND implement - YES, seconds!
I’ve got a LIVE course coming up for empaths who are ready to shake off people pleasing so that they can feel more purposeful, embodied, and empowered. Are you ready to embrace your sensitivity, unlock your emotional resilience, and rewrite your relationships? This 4 part paid LIVE online gentle yoga and journaling series was made for you. Learn more about Beyond People Pleasing: 3 Keys to Thriving as an Empath, my LIVE Online Gentle Yoga & Journaling Course.
I’ve had such moving moments with parents in support groups and clubs recently, through Good Inside and Extreme Kids & Crew, that I want to expand the sense of community here by hosting mindful parenting groups…
What do you think of that idea? You can tell me privately or leave a comment:
We eradicate shame and stigma not by gaslighting, but by sharing - both our struggles and our achievements.
Take refuge in a community that rejects ableism. Surround yourself with those who will protect and include you, and not leave you or your family in a vulnerable position that can trigger a shame response.
We may have an urge to show that our family belongs by trying to make our child behave in a socially acceptable way, even if doing so would stress them out. Even though we don’t really care about those conventions, we may find ourselves trying to conform. This is a survival response. You can give people you love the benefit of the doubt, trust their intentions, educate them, and give them another chance. But not forever.
We have choices. If, after all your effort, your family isn’t accepted exactly as they are, find a pride that does not trigger your shame response.
If you want to perpetuate the shame response:
Turn yourself inside out trying to be ‘normal’.
Keep trying to jam your family where they don’t fit.
When something was a disaster the first time, never try again.
‘Go it alone’ …as tempting as that can be at times.
Assume everything is your fault or you are the only family having this problem.
If you want to mitigate the shame response:
Find or create a community where you and your family are accepted.
Trust that you’re not alone in this struggle.
Share your worries with someone who understands.
If you try to connect on your terms and it goes badly, reflect and learn from it, then decide whether to walk away or try again.
Remember that your immediate family comes first, which includes you!
When you feel supported, protected, and comfy, you will have found your pride.
Okay that’s it for this week. What would you like for Mother’s Day? LMK. You can send me a private message or comment below.
PS: Join us May 11 for Beyond People Pleasing LIVE. It’s 4 Saturdays of introspective journaling and somatic movement where you'll break free of people pleasing and experience self-kindness. Stop struggling to say no, deferring your needs, and feeling resentful. You'll feel more purposeful, embodied, and empowered.
PLEASE PARDON CAPS . -- ALMOST BLIND
HI KATE,
I REALLY LIKED YOUR ADVICE---VERY KIND AND REASSURING.
DORORHY LAW NOLTE'S "HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN" IS EXCELLENT FOR CHILDREN,OF ALLAGES, AND MOST OF HER IDEAS HAVE MERIT FOR OUR INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS WITH ADULTS AS WELL.
DO YOU HAVE A SECTION FOR ASPERGER'S?
ELECTION DAY IS LESS THN 6 MONTHS AWAY. TRUMP AND BIDEN HAVE HAD A TURN TO STOP DEFICIT SPENDING, AND HAVE FAILED. CAN'T WE DO BETTER?
SINCERELY,
LIAM